Once In a While Meltdown

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Once In a While Meltdown

Leanne Offline

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R.I.P.

Posts: 1,568
Threads: 317
Joined: Jun 2011

#2

11-09-2011, 06:45 AM

Great opening lines, irrational and rather familiar Smile

Smile

Your grammar is unclear L3-5: is it the predator who loses her mind, or the bunny?

I'll come back and look more closely when I've a bit of time.

It could be worse

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Messages In This Thread

Once In a While Meltdown - by Wildcard - 11-09-2011, 05:57 AM

RE: Once In a While Meltdown - by Leanne - 11-09-2011, 06:45 AM

RE: Once In a While Meltdown - by Wildcard - 11-09-2011, 07:12 AM

RE: Once In a While Meltdown - by Philatone - 11-09-2011, 07:48 AM

RE: Once In a While Meltdown - by Wildcard - 11-09-2011, 08:30 AM

RE: Once In a While Meltdown - by grannyjill - 11-11-2011, 11:50 PM

RE: Once In a While Meltdown - by billy - 11-14-2011, 11:42 AM

RE: Once In a While Meltdown - by addy - 11-14-2011, 12:48 PM

RE: Once In a While Meltdown - by Wildcard - 02-02-2012, 08:27 AM

RE: Once In a While Meltdown - by tectak - 02-11-2012, 02:31 AM

RE: Once In a While Meltdown - by Wildcard - 02-11-2012, 02:56 AM

RE: Once In a While Meltdown - by tectak - 02-11-2012, 03:08 AM

RE: Once In a While Meltdown - by Wildcard - 02-11-2012, 03:42 AM

RE: Once In a While Meltdown - by Erthona - 02-14-2012, 01:30 PM

RE: Once In a While Meltdown - by billy - 02-14-2012, 10:15 PM

RE: Once In a While Meltdown - by Wildcard - 02-15-2012, 12:11 AM

RE: Once In a While Meltdown - by Erthona - 02-15-2012, 02:50 AM

RE: Once In a While Meltdown - by billy - 02-15-2012, 08:23 PM

RE: Once In a While Meltdown - by Wildcard - 02-15-2012, 04:02 AM

RE: Once In a While Meltdown - by tectak - 02-15-2012, 09:04 AM

RE: Once In a While Meltdown - by Wildcard - 02-15-2012, 09:40 AM

RE: Once In a While Meltdown - by Erthona - 02-15-2012, 11:06 AM

RE: Once In a While Meltdown - by Wildcard - 02-15-2012, 12:34 PM

RE: Once In a While Meltdown - by Leanne - 02-15-2012, 02:53 PM

RE: Once In a While Meltdown - by Erthona - 02-15-2012, 04:47 PM

RE: Once In a While Meltdown - by tectak - 02-15-2012, 10:57 PM

RE: Once In a While Meltdown - by Wildcard - 01-01-2013, 02:12 PM

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