Farewell

[billy]

Walk with me to a bank beside
A river rippling running slow, does it need a comma after rippling?
Where wild and wary wood-things hide,
In trees and roots and holes below.

Walk with me there, yet do not stay;
Begone before the setting sun
Farewells for me the split of day
And the dusk and night and the peace, the first 'and' feels forced, not sure how to fix it with screwing over the meter.
the peace so wearily won. it feels to have a strong poetic feel to it, in order to keep the meter would 'o' work before the peace?

Walk once again to my abode,
Wander wide and wander whither
Piers poppy-pastures ploughed;
Find my lych, and bring it thither;
lay it there,
and leave:
my child.
this last verse feels so daunting yet not sad. the burial request is a poignant one, i can't see anything i think could be improved.

{Note: I had in mind Piers Plowman}

the assonance and alliteration are excellent. specially the assonance so that part works well with the plowman theme. know only that it was classed as a great literary piece, with lots of assonance, i can't compare any further the two pieces

The poem captures an idyllic scene, i like that you kept it modern, (lych fitted in because of the occasion, beautiful word) the rhyme felt free and unforced when used.

good poems are not so easy to critique. This one was hard for me to give some constructive feedback on, and those points are just ideas or suggestions for your perusal

thanks for the read