Halloween

[Philatone]

Hey jack

The night is full of empty lawns ..I think the verb "to be" kills some of the momentum this opening could have. maybe "the night fills with empty lawns"? something with action
and hallways barely glimpsed.

Children pass in small clusters
with pillowcases and pumpkins.

Doors open then close,
emitting giggles and murmurs. ..I want this stanza to give me something new, and I think it misses

As you pass under a tree
a red leaf falls on your shoulder. ..not sure how I feel about the "you"'s

You grab for it then laugh,
brush it to the ground.

Even trees have a sense of humour.
Somewhere an egg breaks

on a wall. An old man swears.
Laughter and retreating bikes. .. liked the imagery of this and the last stanza

This is the night for jackanapes,
I whisper as you pass. really enjoyed this ending

agree with billy, a bit more imagery could tighten the piece. a metaphor or simile may work wonders