11-01-2011, 05:06 PM
I really like this one
. The idea is quite experimental (no pun intended) and thus the odd details worked extremely well (even the hamster line was a compelling combination of juvenile yet intriguingly mysterious and unsettling). I think the part inside the parenthesis is too long though. For me a parenthesis only works for shorter asides, so best leave the lines open altogether; just tweak them if you think you must to make the idea flow at its best within the stanza. Just a suggestion, though.
Also, it might be just greed but I hoped for more thorough hints of how you grew a poet (or even, trite though it may be, a hint about "what are poets made of") only because a random tramp's fingernails as a control was a genius addition and really spiced up the poem. Again these are just impressions and opinions of mine. A really fun piece (well, fun in a weird way )
. The idea is quite experimental (no pun intended) and thus the odd details worked extremely well (even the hamster line was a compelling combination of juvenile yet intriguingly mysterious and unsettling). I think the part inside the parenthesis is too long though. For me a parenthesis only works for shorter asides, so best leave the lines open altogether; just tweak them if you think you must to make the idea flow at its best within the stanza. Just a suggestion, though.Also, it might be just greed but I hoped for more thorough hints of how you grew a poet (or even, trite though it may be, a hint about "what are poets made of") only because a random tramp's fingernails as a control was a genius addition and really spiced up the poem
. Again these are just impressions and opinions of mine. A really fun piece (well, fun in a weird way )
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?