11-01-2011, 05:05 PM
would 'and barely glimpsed hallways.' read better as 'and hallways barely glimpsed'.
it's quite happy till the last couplet. then it gets a little dark. i think i'd like to see a bit more imagery but if i'm honest.
i did enjoy it as it stood as well. a nice light hearted with a hint of heavy at the end.
thanks for the read.
it's quite happy till the last couplet. then it gets a little dark. i think i'd like to see a bit more imagery but if i'm honest.
i did enjoy it as it stood as well. a nice light hearted with a hint of heavy at the end.
thanks for the read.