11-01-2011, 04:00 PM
hi granny, i know you'll hate me for this; i'm not keen on the edit. 
i wanted to fib but couldn't, i like little bits but in general i just get the feeling you're
not really editing the piece for yourself, with your choices. the build up seems to have turned round
so that now it has a really strong start. (too strong i think)
so in my opinion i'd revert back to the original and just cut a few words that aren't really needed. nothing too much just the small ones that really don't add. of course you like every poet is the boss of what you write and edit.
jmo.
thanks for the edit (which is fine in format
)
i wanted to fib but couldn't, i like little bits but in general i just get the feeling you're
not really editing the piece for yourself, with your choices. the build up seems to have turned round
so that now it has a really strong start. (too strong i think)
so in my opinion i'd revert back to the original and just cut a few words that aren't really needed. nothing too much just the small ones that really don't add. of course you like every poet is the boss of what you write and edit.
jmo.
thanks for the edit (which is fine in format
)