11-01-2011, 04:17 AM
Thank you Mark....I'm not sure I understand all that 'quote' stuff, but I did get the simple matter of using the Edit button to put the revised poem above the old poem, with the new date. I knew that is what should be happening, but I have a vague memory of using something called 'bump' (although I didn't understand how to use that method) and so, I hoped some-one such as yourselves would step in and help me.
I shall nip off now and do the necessary.
Todd.....I am reluctant to pare down this poem any more. I was attempting a rich narrative piece not a skeleton piece. I cannot manage without 'suddenly'
The stuff about white spaces, and what you say about moving L10 and L11 is beyond me (remember I'm a womble...sorry, remember I'm a beginner) especially as you want me to leave L12 behind.
I am puzzled. Why can poets/writers say things like - 'the trees huddled together for warmth' but I can't say that the sky heard thunder?
I do agree re: the adverb use here. I will expunge the offending word (loudly)......have you noticed that I like to use three words when most people merely use one? You will never make me into a minimalist poet!
( ps I shall make sure not to venture out of the novice category in future....I can see that I am out of my depth)
I shall nip off now and do the necessary.
Todd.....I am reluctant to pare down this poem any more. I was attempting a rich narrative piece not a skeleton piece. I cannot manage without 'suddenly'
The stuff about white spaces, and what you say about moving L10 and L11 is beyond me (remember I'm a womble...sorry, remember I'm a beginner) especially as you want me to leave L12 behind.
I am puzzled. Why can poets/writers say things like - 'the trees huddled together for warmth' but I can't say that the sky heard thunder?
I do agree re: the adverb use here. I will expunge the offending word (loudly)......have you noticed that I like to use three words when most people merely use one? You will never make me into a minimalist poet!
( ps I shall make sure not to venture out of the novice category in future....I can see that I am out of my depth)