On Eggshells:

[billy]

okay guys'. it seems i need too much of an edit to do it in a moment, i'll leave this one a while and take a look at it in a few weeks.
i did what i felt was a decent gazhal previous to this and thought i could emulate it. (it's clear now and painfully so, that i didn't)
are you all happy now

seriously. the feedback was great and i will see if i can use most of it to get this puppy improved. thanks.