10-24-2011, 10:33 AM
I really like this one. That last line, which had potential to be cliche, was such a stunning thing in context that it actually elevated the poem for me. Your careful choice of words works well: even "stoically" (which normally would just be just "stoic", to stress the meaning of the word) works, putting a more dynamic motion to stoicness and frozenness that complements the flickering movements highlighted throughout the stanza. Nicely done. My only nit would be, as Leanne pointed out, "fragilely calcified" sounds a bit too unwieldy, so rephrasing that would help a lot.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?