10-24-2011, 08:43 AM
I quite liked this one billy. The imagery was pretty much all veiled in its meaning, but I found it very fascinating and compelling. It played out effectively for me. Personally I have no problem with the "sleep with darkness" line (it's soft but still has enough shady undertones, but that's just me) but what didn't work for me was the line before... "making" is a bit bland/ undescriptive and you can't really afford that with such a short poem. Just my take on it though.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?