a little bit

[Philatone]

hey bogpan!
haven't looked at the other crits, so that being said...

I wanted just
a little bit of beauty
a feather on the edge of the bed..I toyed with the idea of dropping "of the bed" to the next line, to 1)break the symmetry a bit, as the poem as whole does keep the same kind of flow and may get too predictable, and 2) it would play on that word "edge". only a thought of course
the light of drops..felt incomplete to me here
noise of leaves in hollows ..I found the zero article interesting before "noise", after having started with the indefinite, shifting to the definite. I found it fitting in how it captures noise, but it also stood out to me a lot in a poem that repeats its style often
I didn't dare telling you

The original:

мъничко

исках само
мъничко красота
перо на ръба на леглото
светлината на капки
шум на листи във шепи
не посмях да ти кажа

it was a pleasant read for sure!