Being Cool

[Philatone]

Hey man!
just wanted to share my thoughts

I used to think pretending to like
only bands thought of as cool -
The Clash, Nirvana, Joy Division -
and despising white bread pop
would make me a better person.

struck me as a lot of "telling". I think a good way to "show" would be altering line 2, demonstrating how you know people thought these bands were cool. where were they played? who listened to them? when? I think answering questions like these will help reveal more than simply telling me they were cool.

When the albums spun their way..good play on spun
through songs of drink and drugs
(I eating a custard cream)..i do like the separation this line brings between the speaker and the album artists
it felt as though coolness had come
to let me suck its golden cock.

Countless failures have proved
listening to Girls Aloud, Kenny G
or Cher has no effect on cleverness, .."Cher" felt like an afterthought to me, seeing it cast onto another line. I'm not sure it is needed
regardless what the cool kids say..."cool kids" feels cliche. i realize how important this concept is, but "cool" just pops up a little too much for my liking
Life doesn't care if you wear a mohawk. good last line and transition to the conclusion!

Play the X-Ray Spex all day,
you still had a wank over Phillip Schofield,
busted in your clean bedsheets
while great men worked to cure cancer...maybe a semi-colon or comma instead of a period? I think linking the two lines reinforces them more than a period can provide. I would keep Men capitalized on the next line though
Men who probably liked The Osmonds.

I believe this is the strongest part of the poem. It gave me something to hang onto image-wise with some good wording

just a personal thing I'm sure, but it just felt like too much telling overall. I enjoyed the finish, but I think the poem only gained its footing in the second half. I hope this is helpful