Presenting

[Philatone]

hello leanne

you've made a fun piece here. it struck me as being a piece best suited for being spoken, what with its repeated emphasis on sounds, rhymes, alliteration, and the like.

I found this to be the strongest:

"the constant submission
to the missionary position
with all the frustration
of failed penetration
the batter and splatter
the fence"

"the fence" is wonderful, and works on so many levels, both structurally for the poem and semantically as well. the flow is great as with the word choice and rhymes.

I did feel that as the poem finished, some momentum was lost. Particularly:

"I am weary
I am sleeping
and my metronome is keeping
time and being
never seeing
that the zeitgeist has become
less a spirit
than an irritating drum
beating softly till the audience is numb"

seems slightly meta, but altogether unnecessary for this poem. I don't know how much it adds to the piece as a whole. only my opinion.

i apologize for not having more to say, but I did enjoy what I read.