Presenting

[billy]

I am weary of this pattern
the in-out-clench-aah pattern
the ooh-that’s-good-now-finish-quick
slippery slick some good S'work going on and i love how slick sounds like a sick dick (just my brain)

the constant submission
to the missionary position
with all the frustration
of failed penetration
the batter and splatter
the fence the internal rhythm and rhyme works really well, i like the way it runs on but wonder if all the packing words are needed. (compared to the next stanza, this one feels a little heavy.

The see-sawing somebody
neutered and nobody
teetering taut on the edge of the wall
willfully, willingly wilfully
playing with poesy
waiting for friction to trigger the fall now it seems to go from the mundane to hope. i've seem that look in my wife's eye hehe

Tease me and treat me
to tastes of exotica
feed me erotica
spiced and sincere
whip me with whispers of
spray-sated waterfalls
white-suited curtain calls
dance in my ear

Let me drown
bring me down
to the pearl-studded beds
that shine through the shells
of black-and-white hells
and preachers with Janus-like heads

I am weary
I am sleeping
and my metronome is keeping
time and being
never seeing
that the zeitgeist has become
less a spirit
than an irritating drum
beating softly till the audience is numb for me this verse feels a little to wordy

let them come

let them come

I am done i like the end the white lines have a finality to them

what a roller coaster ride. it's raunchy and sad and happy and weary and a cornucopia of in and outs and ups and downs. most of my constructive remarks are mainly niggles that could just affect me. but i put the buggers down anyway.

what i do enjoy about the piece are the internals you have going on. the on off end rhymes add like little crescendo, sort of mini orgasmatrons jmo

though it felt a little sad it wasn't depressing (i did like it a lot)
thanks for the read.