10-14-2011, 02:38 AM
Hi Jack,
Thanks for your feedback. I'll have another look at 'bitter'. As for the puncuation, I hadn't considered removing it entirely, but I will. Believe it or not, this poem has come a long way and been reduced in half by edits.
Hi Billy,
As an adjective, 'Stygian' could mean 'as black as the river Styx', but in this case I am trying for 'total dark' or more simply 'blackness' or 'the night'. Either that or I am entirely confused :p Thanks for your feedback. I did get a little dark for a moment, but that wasn't the intent necessarily. I'll work on it some more.
Hi Geoff,
It's amazing how your comments so directly relate to my own insecurities about the poem. I went through a lot of internal debate about 'whose' and 'for.' Obviously I decided to go with it, but your comments make me want to revisit those decisions. Thanks for the feedback.
Thanks for your feedback. I'll have another look at 'bitter'. As for the puncuation, I hadn't considered removing it entirely, but I will. Believe it or not, this poem has come a long way and been reduced in half by edits.
Hi Billy,
As an adjective, 'Stygian' could mean 'as black as the river Styx', but in this case I am trying for 'total dark' or more simply 'blackness' or 'the night'. Either that or I am entirely confused :p Thanks for your feedback. I did get a little dark for a moment, but that wasn't the intent necessarily. I'll work on it some more.
Hi Geoff,
It's amazing how your comments so directly relate to my own insecurities about the poem. I went through a lot of internal debate about 'whose' and 'for.' Obviously I decided to go with it, but your comments make me want to revisit those decisions. Thanks for the feedback.