Saturn, With A Waning Moon

[billy]

i was reading this one when my partner came home so had to leave it while she wanted to tell me something.

I like the opening line it ties in wit the title and the last 3rd line. (filaments/wire) i think it's a tight first stanza. a few suggestions in the body.

Black majik filaments,
sticky with entropy
tie me down, like four-point restraints;

I am a husk in syndication,
reruns of dyspeptic cannibalism is 'reruns of' needed?
and soullessly cultivated afternoons.

A cock crows abruptly, the vessel would 'the vessel' work better on it's own line?

breaks i like 'breaks' on it own, not a keen fan of one word lines but here it works on more than one level.

freeing my moon.
Eager hands gather stars to be thrown would 'to be thrown' work better in front of 'at: or 'stars to be thrown' on it's own line.
at a basalt sky -

and the sun bursts into atomic candy;
I am ardency incarnate,
the cheshire cat with a thousand truncated canaries. Cheshire

i like the end stanza and particularly the last line. i think you could do a little more with the enjambment but everything else are just niggles to look at.

it's like a cross between dennis weatly (sp) and lewis carroll.
and i enjoyed it.
thanks for the read.