Saturn, With A Waning Moon

[only rob]

Black majik filaments, I love this spelling.
sticky with entropy
tie me down, like four-point restraints; Seems concrete
compared to the rest
I am a husk in syndication, maybe silk restraints
reruns of dyspeptic cannibalism for soundplay
and soullessly cultivated afternoons.

A cock crows abruptly, the vessel

breaks Excellent hesitation here.

freeing my moon.
Eager hands gather stars to be thrown
at a basalt sky -

and the sun bursts into atomic candy; Candy feels a bit light
I thought popcorn, but that was just my visuaI I am ardency incarnate,
the cheshire cat with a thousand truncated canaries.

I just loved this piece. My fourth reading was aloud, and it just felt right in my mouth. My notes should be taken with a grain of salt, as I claim no talent for advising superior poets. Just throwing ideas out there. As written, it is wonderful, just trying my hand at being as helpful as y'all have been to me.