Autumn Paintbrush - Revised/rewritten

[Philatone]

hey there
seems you've been working hard
just my thoughts:

Revision- rewrite 2

Argent.



winter wheat breaks ground
exhales
the plain rolls mizzle
around baize acres
towards the village

i like this starting off at a distance; it sets the stage well

should silver translate
as grey or white?
paint palettes battle at dawn
against monochrome
waxen brass-rubbed knights ----the adjectives in succession, starting with monochrome, work wonderfully. I think it adds a slight clunkiness to the knights with the hard consonants, they should be clunky in all that armor...if that makes sense


in the church tattered banners hold
heavy time like woven dust --the dust felt a bit redundant to me after the time bit. I guess I already imagined them needing a cleaning. maybe something besides dust? I don't think a simile is even necessary
bright arms, faded painfully,
herald the presence
of proud feudal lords
betombed and noseless

argent and or, the tints of chivalry
white and yellow's brightest hues
shine thus as sun frills
the edge of clouds i do miss the fortress bit with the clouds from the version before this one.
and spills through stained glass
azure, gules and vert
onto mildewed marmoreals
dispersing any shades of grey.

all I can say is nicely done. I feel like you just guided me on a tour.