10-11-2011, 06:25 PM
(10-11-2011, 08:28 AM)Leanne Wrote: Stef, you're not going to like me very much... but your edited version is a lot more "tell" than "show", especially the changes to the second stanza, and I think you've really lost the depth that the immediacy of "sprouting winter wheat exhales" contrasted with "in the church, tattered banners hold..." was giving the poem.I like you very much for being honest and truthful- I tried again,
I do like "frills the edge of castled clouds" though

Thanks for the suggestions, Addy- they were really helpful.

