Autumn Paintbrush - Revised/rewritten
#15
(10-11-2011, 08:28 AM)Leanne Wrote:  Stef, you're not going to like me very much... but your edited version is a lot more "tell" than "show", especially the changes to the second stanza, and I think you've really lost the depth that the immediacy of "sprouting winter wheat exhales" contrasted with "in the church, tattered banners hold..." was giving the poem.

I do like "frills the edge of castled clouds" though Smile
I like you very much for being honest and truthful- I tried again, Smile
Thanks for the suggestions, Addy- they were really helpful.
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Messages In This Thread
RE: Autumn Paintbrush - by Leanne - 10-11-2011, 04:31 AM
RE: Autumn Paintbrush - by Ca ne fait rien - 10-11-2011, 04:43 AM
RE: Autumn Paintbrush - by billy - 10-11-2011, 06:05 AM
RE: Autumn Paintbrush - by Ca ne fait rien - 10-11-2011, 06:31 AM
RE: Autumn Paintbrush - by billy - 10-11-2011, 08:01 AM
RE: Autumn Paintbrush - by Ca ne fait rien - 10-11-2011, 08:11 AM
RE: Autumn Paintbrush - by Philatone - 10-11-2011, 07:41 AM
RE: Autumn Paintbrush - by billy - 10-11-2011, 08:11 AM
RE: Autumn Paintbrush - by Leanne - 10-11-2011, 08:28 AM
RE: Autumn Paintbrush - by Ca ne fait rien - 10-11-2011, 06:25 PM
RE: Autumn Paintbrush - by billy - 10-11-2011, 08:36 AM
RE: Autumn Paintbrush - by Philatone - 10-11-2011, 10:45 AM
RE: Autumn Paintbrush - by addy - 10-11-2011, 12:14 PM
RE: Autumn Paintbrush - by Ca ne fait rien - 10-11-2011, 04:24 PM



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