Autumn Paintbrush - Revised/rewritten

[Philatone]

Ey! i'm looking at the revised version

Revision

In the church
tattered banners hold particles -- this is a poem that sends the reader back in time. the word particles almost feels too modern for me; it slightly changes the tone. I really like the rest of the line, continuing onto the next as well. "heavy time" is beautiful
of heavy time
herald proud effigies
of feudal lords and ladies
betombed and noseless, ---first read "noseless" as "noiseless". not sure if is my favorite image here. could go well if that's the intention.
bright arms faded painfully;--this "painfully" is so interesting! who is it painful for? the reader? the lords and ladies, even after death?

paint palettes battle for authenticity
does silver translate to grey
or white?
it was all dubbed 'argent'
when they were young; I like this whole discussion here. From "it was...young" does feel like a dose of telling over showing though
medieval artists
could not mix the tints
to shine thus as the sun
frills the edge of castled clouds;--- more strong images. yet again, the lines above it do feel too "told" to me

mixed feelings about this stanza. images are great, yet they find themselves next to a little more explanation/ telling than I would prefer as a reader. interesting discussion on colors


yellow and white
sufficed for shows of splendour
when they still had their fingers; i'm not sure what this line does for the poem personally
Argent and Or,
azure gules and vert,
and , no doubt,
a lot more shades of grey
than you could shake a brush at.

I think you can make a stronger ending and find another way to express the same idea as the last line

hope these comments are helpful, I think you start strong, but I would like you to sustain it!