bugger, i was too slow wasn't i?
about the edit;
for me
tattered banners hold
is a great line on it's own, it's like they're ready to break apart but haven't, and so i think particles could be moved down to the next line.
i'm not sure "for authenticity" adds anything, and like wise dubbed. the idea of,
it was all 'argent'
puts it in another time/world i think.
sometimes seeing poets edit their work is as painful as editing my own, i'm often left thinking was i right to suggest this or that. i like what you've done so far bar the odd nits stef, but what do you think?
about the edit;
for me
tattered banners hold
is a great line on it's own, it's like they're ready to break apart but haven't, and so i think particles could be moved down to the next line.
i'm not sure "for authenticity" adds anything, and like wise dubbed. the idea of,
it was all 'argent'
puts it in another time/world i think.
sometimes seeing poets edit their work is as painful as editing my own, i'm often left thinking was i right to suggest this or that. i like what you've done so far bar the odd nits stef, but what do you think?