10-10-2011, 03:46 PM
Interesting idea, making jealousy the title; I think it does wonders for the first stanza. With jealousy not explicitly named in the body of the text, it matches the nice narrative thread you've got going on in the poem, where you allude very specifically and very personally to the other persons words and your most minute reactions to them (you produced truly magical lines from this creative premise: the entirety of stanza 3,6,7,8... honestly at this point I'll just be quoting your entire poem if I have to name favorites 
) but leave much to the imagination of the reader about the actual nature of the words.
I adore the last two stanzas that you'd completely redone... it completely transformed the poem for me. (those last four make for a beautifully poignant closing). A truly well done edit.
) but leave much to the imagination of the reader about the actual nature of the words.I adore the last two stanzas that you'd completely redone... it completely transformed the poem for me. (those last four make for a beautifully poignant closing). A truly well done edit.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?