10-08-2011, 04:33 AM
Hi Aish,
This is just one reader's opinion but I'm not sure how I'd improve it anymore. Any suggestion I think of is mostly just a style difference (and thus has little bearing). I think the revision is subtle but very effective.
It's good work.
Best,
Todd
This is just one reader's opinion but I'm not sure how I'd improve it anymore. Any suggestion I think of is mostly just a style difference (and thus has little bearing). I think the revision is subtle but very effective.
It's good work.
Best,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson