Rediscovering the lost poetry of childhood

[billy]

Hi stef;

in the concrete rockpools
of wave-worn beach defences
I cradle fossilised fish scales
sea glass, the bones of dinosaurs
images from prehistory
stanzas trapped in pebbles love this line and the poetry metaphor
in my palm.

The rush of tides batter homes and barns
land crumbles like confidence, wind stings
splashes my face ruddy with expectation you like the word Ruddy
of a future where time does not matter.

Church bells ring a sailor’s knell
six fathoms deep
next to the ship wrecks out there would a comma work after wrecks,?
where sea meets sky. cliché
Once, a man
walking the coast road to Out Newton
morning-times
saw the head-ends of coffins
protruding from the muddy cliff, jutting
out over the seething water below
sand-martins perched on vacant handles
brass plates glinting like gold teeth great image, i wonder if "brass plated" would work better


and the kittiwakes shrill like children i really like the strength of this line
collecting bones from the clay
laying down the empirical truths
that will mould the texture of found souls. the last two line for me feel weaker than the rest of the poem, i think they don't work well.

everything above are just suggestions apart from the cliché remark
normally i would suggest the cutting out of packing words, but here it all works well. some good internals going on which help the flow of the poem. The narration feels lively. the last line felt as though you tacked them on to finish the poem. the use of stanza being a metaphor as part of history is incredibly clever

thanks for the read.