Dreams of Flight

[Philatone]

Hey ICSoria
I had to battle quite a bit through this one, but I'm definitely glad I did. Here are my thoughts

Prologue:
His fractured hopes, dreams analyzed
each day by an accomplished Ph.D
resolved to set his fragile psyche free.
Outlined within a grandiose summation
complex elucidations of just why
he harbors latent dreams to fly.

pretty dramatic shift right here in ideas between these stanzas. Not saying a connection is necessarily needed, but a few words might have helped my initial readings. Definitely like the ideas starting here

In exchanging faith for CD, gold
watches while receding dreams turn shades
of pink, slipped silently, indifferently,
with inter-office mail. Net worth defined now
by what a voucher and O/T can buy.
Still he dreams that he should fly

This strikes me as having a sort of journalistic tone, more giving reports on what is happening to him than actually describing, especially with that last line. This is about where I'm feeling a disconnect between the speaker and this subject, and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I feel as though the speaker has little to no stake in just what happens to this guy. When that happens for me, I also lose a bit of attachment. I enjoy the writing, but I want more of an impact on me too! I don't just want to say "That was nice," and move on. The rhymes might be adding to that distance too, even if there are a lot of inrhymes and the couplet as well; the six line structure as a whole gives it a kind of coldness. On the other hand, for a poem with this kind of subject matter, the effect is decidedly perfect.

All quasi-friendship-schemes will cease
tonight as obscure documents disclose
sum totals: squandered corporate dividends;
slattern breakfasts in the Gulfstream III;
his own decree of truths none dare deny.
They'll wish they all had wings to fly.I played with moving the "all" to after "they'll" and I like how it would receive more emphasis that way. Great line regardless.

Epilogue:
From silver stories harbor, views
the diamond night tranquility;
unfurls untested wings. He knows: nice!
The truth will once more set him free
and prove that he was meant to fly.
His leap of faith will stab the sky. great finish! Great contrast of directions, what with the "up" of flying and the downward "leap" as well as the stab (which I also think of more downwards).

definitely an enjoyable read.