Brother Death

[John Holland]

I think you may have misunderstood my statement and failed to notice that a lot of it was "tongue in cheek". Particularly the jarring part.

When you say "who cares about the critic's response", my response would have to be that everyone who posts here cares. Why else are we posting if not to be read and have our work critiqued?

I see I will have to be more careful of how I word my responses, if I am to post poetry on this site.

You all seem to take yourselves very seriously.

I guess this begs the question John, do you think the jarring adds to the poem? If it doesn't than I consider this method a bad choice on your part. Who cares about the critic's response. The issue should be is the poem the best it could be. If the jarring serves then let it jar. Are you sure you aren't simply resisting learning the rules before you break them?

When I read comments like that I tend not to waste my time commenting. What's the point if things are put in there just to tweak critics. I would have felt better about your comment if you had said I set the meter that way for the purpose of making the poem better. This sort of reasoning strikes me as a bit of a cop out.

Just my thoughts,

Todd

This may shock some, but I never consciously count syllables or stresses. I don't mind that a poem "jars" in places. It helps to wake the critics up.

Brother Death is a departure from my usual style. I usually write free poetry that may or may not contain some internal rhyme, alliteration or other devises.

Thank you for your thoughtful comment. I haven't yet had time to consider everyone's suggestion and revise.

John

Hi John,
   Time is sometimes hard to come by so it's taken me a while to get around to posting, but I have read this one a few times already and I like it. I'll be honest, the rhythm that's happening feels interrupted to me at time. I count four stresses per line, but the syllables between seem erratic. The first couplet, to me is in perfect rythym, but some of the shorter lines felt awkward to my newbie toungue.

 of women wooed and battles fought.
(of WOMen WOOED and BATtles FOUGHT.)?

   I am reading this as iambic tetrameter . . . It makes me think that I am missing something here. Are you counting stresses only and varying the unstressed counts?