10-04-2011, 09:14 AM
I love this. As the others have pointed out, the solid and concrete-sounding imagery was refreshing change in a poem about dreams (where usually impressions, emotions, and fluid imagery like "water" abound). I love the trees, and the way you phrased hills rounded.
Most of the grammar issues have been pointed out... I think "unfolding some wind" should just be "unfolding wind" though.
Thanks for the read.
Most of the grammar issues have been pointed out... I think "unfolding some wind" should just be "unfolding wind" though.
Thanks for the read.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?