12-17-2009, 06:16 PM
(12-17-2009, 05:54 PM)addy Wrote: whiskers in earlove the first line.
don't want her itchy secrets
the cat purrs asleep
and the juxtaposition within the poem.
as before, for me "it" would be better than "her" as her gives a female attribute that would be more in line with a senru.
the big thing, which i missed the last time and had reminded to me by my stepdaughter is this:
no mention of a season.
as is, it makes a fine senru.
only takes a little bit of work to make it a fine haiku. jmo.