09-30-2011, 04:37 PM
I want to thank everyone for accurate reading and understanding that it is a translation of poetry. I think it is important to clarify the following - in Slavic languages, unlike English syntax is free, are eligible grammatical omissions, ambiguities and dimming of words (Poetry). These characteristics require some interpretation by the translator in order to get closer to a maximum of meaning and perception of the English language reader of the text, but at the cost of selecting one of the possible meanings of the word. I could give many examples of world famous authors, but will be limited to specific text - "sense" is the word used, and is used in the original word is derived from the
Sign, but a second meaning of "sense". In this respect are those who do offer cut the first two sentences that seem more narrative and somehow slower. Another point is that the proposal begins the poem much more expressive, but I think reading is a matter of temperament and movement of young people want to be faster, but linking with quote these two sentences have their protection. I think the translator uses the well "of your midnight shirt" as the closest to the original (which is untranslatable), as this fold is essential, not merely indifferent to clothes.
"I am writing out long lines
with the words which I do not know "
These two sentences for me are unusually important because they reflect my understanding of the writing of poetry, particularly love poetry.
"And then I don't think" And then "stands well as a line on its own. Maybe change it to "Before", or maybe "Until" ... as this will lend a similar sense of inevitabil "
I agree that it deserves a separate sentence, but was afraid that it will be listed at the decision taken in the original:
And then.
Everything is
erased.
Here is a revised version with your suggestions, which to me is nyakakak meager and insufficient.
“Even the silence isn’t yours anymore
here, where the millstones have stopped..."
G. Sepheris
This world.
a pleat
of your midnight shirt
and my voice – so hollow
and empty.
I am writing out long lines
with the words which I do not know.
And then.
Еverything is
еrased.
Sign, but a second meaning of "sense". In this respect are those who do offer cut the first two sentences that seem more narrative and somehow slower. Another point is that the proposal begins the poem much more expressive, but I think reading is a matter of temperament and movement of young people want to be faster, but linking with quote these two sentences have their protection. I think the translator uses the well "of your midnight shirt" as the closest to the original (which is untranslatable), as this fold is essential, not merely indifferent to clothes.
"I am writing out long lines
with the words which I do not know "
These two sentences for me are unusually important because they reflect my understanding of the writing of poetry, particularly love poetry.
"And then I don't think" And then "stands well as a line on its own. Maybe change it to "Before", or maybe "Until" ... as this will lend a similar sense of inevitabil "
I agree that it deserves a separate sentence, but was afraid that it will be listed at the decision taken in the original:
And then.
Everything is
erased.
Here is a revised version with your suggestions, which to me is nyakakak meager and insufficient.
“Even the silence isn’t yours anymore
here, where the millstones have stopped..."
G. Sepheris
This world.
a pleat
of your midnight shirt
and my voice – so hollow
and empty.
I am writing out long lines
with the words which I do not know.
And then.
Еverything is
еrased.
'Because the barbarians will arrive today;and they get bored with eloquence and orations.' CP Cavafy