needs some grammar, but as a rant it's excellent (should you do a strong edit)
strip away any fluff pull out the phrases that are caustic, the stuff that's solid.
I want to squawk like an oversexed rooster,
staggering toward some decadent hen house;
blow out pilot lights in White Houses,
burn wheat fields with magnifying glasses
inspect lovers in every bedroom in America.
it not a rewrite of your work. it's an example of one way to make it stronger, rants need to be heartless, to make the reader breathless, (unless they're observational perhaps) you have some fantastic images in this piece but it feels as though they've been smothered. (jmo)
thanks for the read.
strip away any fluff pull out the phrases that are caustic, the stuff that's solid.
I want to squawk like an oversexed rooster,
staggering toward some decadent hen house;
blow out pilot lights in White Houses,
burn wheat fields with magnifying glasses
inspect lovers in every bedroom in America.
it not a rewrite of your work. it's an example of one way to make it stronger, rants need to be heartless, to make the reader breathless, (unless they're observational perhaps) you have some fantastic images in this piece but it feels as though they've been smothered. (jmo)
thanks for the read.