First attempt at posting

[Ca ne fait rien]

Hi, I am quite new here myself and I hope you enjoy the site as much as I am doing.

WHISPERS FROM GALAXIES BEYOND GALAXIES




Whispers . . . voices that carry the essence
and unseen curve of galactic ether
and wind kissed trees
of future revelations . . . Do you really need the ellipses?
meditations that dance swirling without fear,
dreamlike,
sailing rapidly through spiritual worm holes
toward the clarification of beautiful horizons 'beautiful' to my mind detracts from the power here never imagined.

Oh would that we could breathe
with highly evolved lungs
past the disturbing doorway
that holds our present state of consciousness
like a manipulated dark mandala,
unable to break free,
unwilling to allow a river of light
to flow outward from the until now
encrusted banks of the heart.

Slowly, slowly . . .
but with a miracle of stars as our guide,
we must begin to hear the ancient secret choir
that has always been there.
This spinning cycle of life and death
will in time dissolve,
becoming only the roots,
the sumptuous nutrition
that manifests in possibilities of a stillness,
a gift that opens the mind
to an unlimited understanding of Creation’s
manifold magnificence.

The universe is an echoing womb
that has given birth to god held lanterns,
to the ignored visionary hymns
that herald the ignition,
the warmth of a trillion candles
that will eventually draw us in to the radiance
of a divine and generous compassion
that rises in waves of a limitless circular release.
Listen, oh listen . . .
the harp player of the heavens
is restringing his instrument,
his fingers are the elements that give causation
for our sentient existence.
Harken to the godmother and her luxurious lullaby,
she quietly murmurs intonations
from the farthest reaches of the all inclusive.
May our ears in time develop
the amplification necessary to hear
their cryptic and benevolent message.

This is a very lyrical poem that is trying to say a lot about the infinite, as poets forever try to do. If I were to give advice, I would say try to tighten it up a bit by losing some of the adjectives and substituting with verbs. This is advice I was give a long time ago when I thought that writing without loads of adjectives was not writing at all, but when I tried it, I was astounded at how saying less actually said a lot more. I know it is an abstract subject, but doing that will hitch it to something a bit more concrete, hopefully the reader's sense of wonder. You have achieved the breathtaking wonder you feel of the indescribable and conveyed it well. What is poetry for, if not to share the wonder the poet feels with the reader.
I look forward to reading more of your work.