09-29-2011, 10:17 AM
Marc, this is an enjoyable neo-Beat (if such a thing can be!) poem with some stand-out lines, my favourites being:
Come on, tell me, have you heard the solitary
busker down on Gore Avenue, his fingernails
as long as a broken down symphony, his voice,
his lungs shattered and blistered like a napalm
nightmare, attempting to collect a couple
of coins before they get dropped into
Evangelistic collection plates.
Your use of pop culture references give this poem great depth and I'm sure that there are a few I've missed, though it doesn't really matter in the end, I suppose
.
On occasion I do find your use of modifiers a bit overdone, for example:
"blistering inside my pathetically weeping eardrums" -- pathetically is rather implied in weeping, in my opinion
and
"the over all /general populace of mankind..." -- over all is redundant when put together with general
The journey is a fascinating one, and the summation of the last stanza is both insightful and challenging.
Come on, tell me, have you heard the solitary
busker down on Gore Avenue, his fingernails
as long as a broken down symphony, his voice,
his lungs shattered and blistered like a napalm
nightmare, attempting to collect a couple
of coins before they get dropped into
Evangelistic collection plates.
Your use of pop culture references give this poem great depth and I'm sure that there are a few I've missed, though it doesn't really matter in the end, I suppose
.On occasion I do find your use of modifiers a bit overdone, for example:
"blistering inside my pathetically weeping eardrums" -- pathetically is rather implied in weeping, in my opinion
and
"the over all /general populace of mankind..." -- over all is redundant when put together with general
The journey is a fascinating one, and the summation of the last stanza is both insightful and challenging.
It could be worse