(content) just fiction

[billy]

i just did this in mild
okay i'll try and give more constructive stuff here

i

rip rip rip her son
like a sheet of crepe paper

or sugar glass one breath could break

watch her shatter
silly girl

blood and bones by chapter 3
but i'm an honest sort is but needed?

see my kids and baseball cap
below the author's note
i buy cookies from girl scouts

and if while dropping sally off
at her ballet class is her needed?
i thought about a young mother
strapped to a broken door and raped
not with phalluses but knives
there's no need to prosecute

it's all just fiction kid

ii

all the neon dust jackets is "all the' and 'is' needed?
like bar signs slicing through the dark is the needed?

open the peephole snap her bra
fill a tissue drain your beer would it be better to enjamb where a comma should be used ?

throw me in the wastebasket
with last month's hustler

it's all just fiction
just fiction
all just fiction kid

i tried not to suggest to many cuts as like how it flows. it's similar to my other feedback in mild but with the removal ideas.

i really am just pushing it wit the nits, but they would for me improve a really good poem