09-28-2011, 05:28 AM
I was going to say pretty much exactly what Todd said 
The only difference is, I quite like "weary wheels", but would certainly suggest removing both L2 and L8, either with "a" replacing "the" before Schrödinger's cat, or removing the article altogether.
Your first line gives you a very strong metaphorical setup -- I would really like to see it link more obviously with the last line, though I like the both of them. I just can't make the connection as they stand, the idea of blondes writing scripts with any kind of ink is a bit weird
The only difference is, I quite like "weary wheels", but would certainly suggest removing both L2 and L8, either with "a" replacing "the" before Schrödinger's cat, or removing the article altogether. Your first line gives you a very strong metaphorical setup -- I would really like to see it link more obviously with the last line, though I like the both of them. I just can't make the connection as they stand, the idea of blondes writing scripts with any kind of ink is a bit weird
It could be worse