And Drift Away:

[Todd]

Hi Billy,

I really appreciate the way you bring ideas together in your poems. Here are some comments for you.

Sleep is a faded blonde
weighed down--maybe unnecessary as heavy in the next line could imply being weighed down. The first line is really good. There's something about too many line break pauses before stating the metaphor for me. I'd kill line two if only to help pace and for the minor feeling of redundancy with heavy and weighed.
under heavy meat.
A mastered kiss off dry lips,
an anatomical bike with weary wheels--not sure I like weary here. I'd rather see something that suggested weariness without coming out and saying it. I do like the anatomical bike though
sleep is a failing logic;--awesome
the Schrödinger's cat--maybe keep the parallel structure from the last phrase by replacing the with a. (again though just a great line
of life and death,--I did see Mark's comment on this and I agree with him. Shrodinger's cat is it's own set up. I think you can cut this line.
writing scripts with invisible inks.--love this last line.

It's a creative, solid poem Billy. I enjoyed it.

Best,

Todd