09-27-2011, 10:48 PM
Hi Jack,
Very nice work, as usual. I don't know what you call the designations you used ('i' and 'ii'), but it made me think of the chapters of a book. Given the setting and the narator, I thought of Dean Koontz when I read this. I love most of your line breaks, but I didn't necessarily understand the repetition in the ending. You will keep in mind, of course, that I am very new to reading poetry.
Nice subject matter (even if I missed it) and all together a well-written piece.
Very nice work, as usual. I don't know what you call the designations you used ('i' and 'ii'), but it made me think of the chapters of a book. Given the setting and the narator, I thought of Dean Koontz when I read this. I love most of your line breaks, but I didn't necessarily understand the repetition in the ending. You will keep in mind, of course, that I am very new to reading poetry.
Nice subject matter (even if I missed it) and all together a well-written piece.