09-26-2011, 08:06 PM
On first read, this came across as a sort of blind-date gone bad but I suppose one's imagination will always interfere with the poet's intended reality--not necessarily a bad thing as I have come to understand.
I usually tend to observe rhyme and meter before other things. I consider you expert at both and thus am curious to understand your choice in this particular rhyme pattern, besides having fun with rhyme, I am sure.
You always do so well with rhymes and these are simple, effective, and unforced. In my mind, simple rhyme scheme, along with a shorter tetrameter give poems a less serious feel and if combined with longer strophe's can create a slightly more tedious read overall. Though I realize you did not intend this to be a totally serious piece, I do not see it as entirely facetious either. Because I greatly admire your word usage skill, I would rather have seen you create something slightly more complex with these rhymes, perhaps a bit of internal rhyme, with extended metric lines, and more compact strophe’s.
Just one pathetic poet’s opinion here.
Sid
I usually tend to observe rhyme and meter before other things. I consider you expert at both and thus am curious to understand your choice in this particular rhyme pattern, besides having fun with rhyme, I am sure.
You always do so well with rhymes and these are simple, effective, and unforced. In my mind, simple rhyme scheme, along with a shorter tetrameter give poems a less serious feel and if combined with longer strophe's can create a slightly more tedious read overall. Though I realize you did not intend this to be a totally serious piece, I do not see it as entirely facetious either. Because I greatly admire your word usage skill, I would rather have seen you create something slightly more complex with these rhymes, perhaps a bit of internal rhyme, with extended metric lines, and more compact strophe’s.
Just one pathetic poet’s opinion here.
Sid