09-25-2011, 11:44 PM
Hi Dubs,
It's good to see you posting. This poem looks a little angry, but mostly resilient and wishing to be different and make a change. Ignoring the spelling errors, its a very poignant message that, while it seems tailored to a specific person, could apply widely.
It's good to see you posting. This poem looks a little angry, but mostly resilient and wishing to be different and make a change. Ignoring the spelling errors, its a very poignant message that, while it seems tailored to a specific person, could apply widely.
(09-24-2011, 03:00 PM)DUBLIN5 Wrote: Walk away calmlyThanks for sharing. All these nits are JMO and offered honestly.
Stop shouting in my face
More of a man to turn my back --your suggestions in the first two lines are summed up with L3 - be a man. I'm not sure about the grammar of the line, but I like the feeling.
Ignoring your discrace
Your ignorance and vulgerness
Of a person of your status
Tells me your vulcalbury --I would suggest you change 'vocabulary' as it doesn't seem to fit, meaning-wise.
You don't really rate us
So go on - now walk away
Bring your shame with you --maybe change 'bring' to 'take' as bring suggests coming with
Till your dying day
Don't come back for pity
Or sorrow should i say
Your the one that walked out
I won't forget that day

