Ozymandias

[abu nuwas]

You know this reads like a Trigee - I was challenged to write one once....You can read it as two verses (down the page and down again) or as one whole thing. See my effort......Yes, I know it is very twee - but ignore that and concentrate on the form....see what I mean with your poem?


Giggling kids, having fun................ It's Grandad's Birthday - 7lst
Eating food on the run........ ...........Kids stuffing cake until they burst
They are sick, baby's posseting.......Bedlam, riots and chaos reign
Mums are far too busy gossiping.....Will the house ever be the same?
'It's late, kids should be in bed!'.......Who cares if a little sleep they miss
Granny sighs and shakes her head....Grandad wants his birthday kiss.


(Your verse is 100% better than my load of old rubbish!)

Yes, thanks, I do see that. I suppose one could just make each half into a separate line, and I am not sure that I could give a sensible reason for not doing so-- perhaps I thought (wrongly) I could cover up the wonky meter.

You should not call your 'effort' old rubbish, it's not good for the soul; anyway, I was firmly on the side of the Grandad