09-25-2011, 04:20 AM
and where the
promise of
tomorrow is
lost inside the
truth of today
........this little bit of your intriquing poem seems lacking somehow. I think what makes it so is the high standard you set elsewhere in this verse. This created a picture of a cowboy on a cattle drive sustaining himself with images from his memory.
where ghost cattle
walk knee deep
in phantom water ..........straight out of my early viewings of Rawhide! (away in the distance the shimmering of a mirage with white dust-covered cattle)
Like AA I am a new to this site and new to critiquing good poetry so can only do so from a gut feeling.
I got a bit confused with the changeover from the first person narrative to the third (but, perhaps that's just me)
promise of
tomorrow is
lost inside the
truth of today
........this little bit of your intriquing poem seems lacking somehow. I think what makes it so is the high standard you set elsewhere in this verse. This created a picture of a cowboy on a cattle drive sustaining himself with images from his memory.
where ghost cattle
walk knee deep
in phantom water ..........straight out of my early viewings of Rawhide! (away in the distance the shimmering of a mirage with white dust-covered cattle)
Like AA I am a new to this site and new to critiquing good poetry so can only do so from a gut feeling.
I got a bit confused with the changeover from the first person narrative to the third (but, perhaps that's just me)