a long way home

[Wildcard]

Hi John,
   It's good to see you posting and I gotta say I really like what you've done. You can call me AA or Mark or whatever you like. I'm new to poetry, but I still try to do critiques so that I can learn to critique and hopefully get better at writing also. So here are a newbie's thoughts concerning a very good poem.

Hannah dances --a quite engaging start. 'thirsty mind' gives me an achey feel and it is so fresh. nicely done.
in the back of my
thirsty mind

head bare in the sun
as she moves

swivel-hipped
to a tune I can’t
quite remember.

Humming to herself and

watching the dust dance
around her pretty feet. --hands down favorite part. it is such a cute image and set me up nicely for the slightly sinister 'dark eyes'

The dark eyes flash lies
and her tanned thighs
are strong and sinuous.

She laughs to herself
as she dances in the
lonely desert of

this man’s dry heart --dry heart, thirsty mind. great tie-in.

and in the corners
of eyes better suited

to staring through
heat haze at distant
horizon lines

where ghost cattle
walk knee deep
in phantom water

and where the
promise of
tomorrow is

lost inside the
truth of today. --imo this might come off as cliche, not that I'm necessarily saying it is cliche, but it is just so tidy it sounds trite to me. no offense (What do I know?)

Reality is

a man
a horse
a dog

a long way home.

The ending is profound IMO and I don't have any nits for it at all. By and large, this is a great poem. I have read it quite a few times and imagine I will read it quite a few more.

Thanks for sharing.