summer stares the grass brown

summer stares the grass brown

addy Offline

The Dog's Bollocks.

Posts: 805
Threads: 374
Joined: Dec 2009

#10

09-22-2011, 03:51 PM

A slow, syrupy burn. Nicely done.

My only, tiny nit would be the use of the word thaw... it tripped me up a little because everything else in the poem suggested warmth that's getting warmer (blood under the sun) while "thaw" suggests a state of having been frozen. Nevertheless the line is beautiful so it did not detract much from the pleasure of reading this

PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?

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Messages In This Thread

summer stares the grass brown - by John Holland - 09-21-2011, 09:39 AM

RE: summer stares the grass brown - by Leanne - 09-21-2011, 09:44 AM

RE: summer stares the grass brown - by Todd - 09-21-2011, 10:21 AM

RE: summer stares the grass brown - by Wildcard - 09-21-2011, 10:50 AM

RE: summer stares the grass brown - by heslopian - 09-21-2011, 10:54 AM

RE: summer stares the grass brown - by Aish - 09-21-2011, 01:19 PM

RE: summer stares the grass brown - by Ca ne fait rien - 09-22-2011, 12:58 AM

RE: summer stares the grass brown - by John Holland - 09-22-2011, 06:20 AM

RE: summer stares the grass brown - by billy - 09-22-2011, 12:26 PM

RE: summer stares the grass brown - by addy - 09-22-2011, 03:51 PM

RE: summer stares the grass brown - by abu nuwas - 09-22-2011, 06:20 PM

RE: summer stares the grass brown - by only rob - 09-23-2011, 02:35 AM

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