summer stares the grass brown

summer stares the grass brown

Aish

Raven Queen

Posts: 259
Threads: 45
Joined: Jul 2011

09-21-2011, 01:19 PM

(09-21-2011, 09:39 AM)John Holland Wrote: blood warms
in the sun

juices thaw and flow

we fall headlong
(stumble into)

lust
love
heat

a burnt-orange dreaming

Welcome, John. The final four lines are my favorite, but the poem as whole is quite intriguing. The one place it falters is (stumble into). Placed beneath 'we fall headlong' seems erroneous.

PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?

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Messages In This Thread

summer stares the grass brown - by John Holland - 09-21-2011, 09:39 AM

RE: summer stares the grass brown - by Leanne - 09-21-2011, 09:44 AM

RE: summer stares the grass brown - by Todd - 09-21-2011, 10:21 AM

RE: summer stares the grass brown - by Wildcard - 09-21-2011, 10:50 AM

RE: summer stares the grass brown - by heslopian - 09-21-2011, 10:54 AM

RE: summer stares the grass brown - by Aish - 09-21-2011, 01:19 PM

RE: summer stares the grass brown - by Ca ne fait rien - 09-22-2011, 12:58 AM

RE: summer stares the grass brown - by John Holland - 09-22-2011, 06:20 AM

RE: summer stares the grass brown - by billy - 09-22-2011, 12:26 PM

RE: summer stares the grass brown - by addy - 09-22-2011, 03:51 PM

RE: summer stares the grass brown - by abu nuwas - 09-22-2011, 06:20 PM

RE: summer stares the grass brown - by only rob - 09-23-2011, 02:35 AM

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