summer stares the grass brown

[Todd]

Hello John,

Welcome to the forum!

Your title is spectacular. I wish I'd written it. Here are some suggestions to consider:

Maybe make the first lines consistent with the title length. There's nothing intrinsically wrong with your break on warms it's just that (and this is of course only an opinion) the longer line feels somewhat better less choppy. The heat gives me a languid sense and a longer line feels more languid (to me).

Two options for that route:

blood warms in the sun

blood warms in the sun juices (my preference)

I also don't think the one word lines do much for you. I'd cut them and go right to the wonderful a burnt-orange dreaming.

I really love the tone and mood here. Thanks for the read.

Best,

Todd