09-19-2011, 08:27 PM
Hi, H
It is difficult when reading a poem (with comments written on it) to know whether we are influenced by the previous commentator or not but....
I, too,thought this needed to be in two verses as it moves to a different scene/location from 'when viewed....., although using that as a reason, the last two lines would need to be separated too.
I felt 'clicked their heels' didn't seem to fit what had gone before....unless you meant that in the sense of 'sitting idly tapping their heels' waiting for instruction from the director....my first thought was of the Nazi heel click!
....suggestion - last line 'and idly thought of home' or your suggestion which works, too.
I am envious of your skill, this poem says so much without dotting all the i's and crossing all the t's - I suffer from doing just that.
Bye, grannyjill
Damn, I've just realised that I was at the end of a thread so only saw Billy's comment- forgive me I am still very new and not sure of where I am or what I am doing!
It is difficult when reading a poem (with comments written on it) to know whether we are influenced by the previous commentator or not but....
I, too,thought this needed to be in two verses as it moves to a different scene/location from 'when viewed....., although using that as a reason, the last two lines would need to be separated too.
I felt 'clicked their heels' didn't seem to fit what had gone before....unless you meant that in the sense of 'sitting idly tapping their heels' waiting for instruction from the director....my first thought was of the Nazi heel click!
....suggestion - last line 'and idly thought of home' or your suggestion which works, too.
I am envious of your skill, this poem says so much without dotting all the i's and crossing all the t's - I suffer from doing just that.
Bye, grannyjill
Damn, I've just realised that I was at the end of a thread so only saw Billy's comment- forgive me I am still very new and not sure of where I am or what I am doing!