Mantid

[Todd]

Hi Aish,

Lovely poem! I'm sure I'm just skimming the surface on this read, but here are some comments for you:

The end is embedded in the beginning:--The colon makes me view this line as the poem and everything else as the explanation of that line. I take this to mean that the seeds of what must be or what must come to pass were there from the start. Considering the mantid title death is linked with the creation of life. Thinking of it metaphorically, you could say that the scars of life are already there at birth beneath the skin waiting to be reveal led.

So it should come as no surprise
my squall bites and stings in unholy rage,--I think you could cut unholy rage and just trust in the images
acid rain against the quarried walls--I like quarried as it gives a sense of deepness. Maybe against the could be replaced with erodes or something like that

crumbled at the foot of my heart,--I like foot of my heart
which beats to spite me.

My death has yet to deliver my life,--nice paradoxical statement
and I am poised
to forget long days
and endless summers.--This entire strophe is strong

Rain pops like hot grease--This is my favorite image in the poem. It's surprising. It's unexpected. It captures the sound so well, and it ties in with the earlier acid rain tying the earlier part of the poem with this shift that seems more personal
against the fake sky of my room.--this sounds like a painted sky.
I feed off false warmth and stale iron.--Maybe kill the period, insert a "this" before blood.

Blood in my mouth.

Still no howl,
where my soul is stone
or pillars of salt.

You be Sodom, and I'll play Gomorrah,
trapping would-be trespassers and tourists.--I love these lines. I also like that you introduce a you relationship of some sort

The desert was as close as I came.
To the sea.--gorgeous lines though I think removing the period after came will make it read smoother

Winter turns a book of faith
into myths of transformations.--winter being either a type of death or a time of barrenness. Good line.

I long to crystallize,
coaxed out of rock and sea stars--and here's the transformation. I love all of this imagery.
and return -

as elaborate architecture.

I could bloom from the ancients
and emerge--don't know if you need this.
with an elongated body and wings.--I love that you came full circle and the end truly was embedded in the beginning

A mantid.
Enigmatic, yet uneloquent.--I love ending on uneloquent

I hope the comments will be helpful to you.

Best,

Todd