Mantid

[billy]

i had an idea but wasn't sure enough, so i checked out what mantid is

The end is embedded in the beginning: good opener

So it should come as no surprise is this line needed?
my squall bites and stings in unholy rage, really strong line.
acid rain against the quarried walls is 'the' needed?

crumbled at the foot of my heart,
which beats to spite me. it's something we'll never control . great line.

My death has yet to deliver my life,
and I am poised ties in really well with the title.
to forget long days
and endless summers. feels cliche

Rain pops like hot grease this line sizzles
against the fake sky of my room.
I feed off false warmth and stale iron.

Blood in my mouth.

Still no howl,
where my soul is stone
or pillars of salt.

You be Sodom, and I'll play Gomorrah,
trapping would-be trespassers and tourists.

The desert was as close as I came.
To the sea. i love this couplet.

Winter turns a book of faith
into myths of transformations.

I long to crystallize,
coaxed out of rock and sea stars
and return - good verse

as elaborate architecture.

I could bloom from the ancients
and emerge
with an elongated body and wings. is this line needed?

A mantid.
Enigmatic, yet uneloquent. is 'yet' needed?

i really like how this panned out.
the title and the end are a perfect marriage. i made some suggestions to tighten it up but that's all they are; suggestions

My death has yet to deliver my life,
and I am poised
to forget long days
and endless summers.

is my fave section, even with endless summers. it shows absolutely where the 1st person is.

thanks for the read