09-14-2011, 04:51 AM
This is an excellent poem Billy. The refrain is inspired. The lines seem comprised of simple images joined to make a darkly seductive whole. Splendid. Wish I could give you some criticism, but for what it is it's perfect. Maybe you could put a comma after each of the third stanza's first two lines. The syntax there runs on a bit.
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe