Brother

[billy]

Brother

When I look at you I see him,
You possess the same build.
A six-footer, slim,
An unapproachable Errol Flynn
with handsome face made
grim by the look in his eyes.
Always elegantly turned out,
with not a hair out of place.

Yes, he was a dapper man
with expensive tastes,
indulged by the sacrifices
others make.
Purchasing tea by the ounce,
poor quality meat, broken biscuits
and damaged fruit,
But, my word, he looked the business
in his bespoke suit.

When I see his shadow
appearing on your face;
when I see the black dog
seeming to win the race;
I shiver and push the image
to the back of my brain.
I tell myself, it's a trick of the light
And then I breathe again.

You and I harbour no bitterness
and feel no regret.
We survived unscathed....
Yet, I would guess
in some unreachable parts
of our two battered hearts
some tiny scars
remain.
----------------------------------------------------

hi granny, i see it's a personal poem so my suggestions are for future reference only.

This rules;
When I see his shadow
appearing on your face;
when I see the black dog
seeming to win the race;

try and use imagery as much as you can, use metaphors like the one above. someone else mentioned cliche, try and avoid it as much as possible, it's a poem killer on the non personal side of poetry (poetry for a larger audience that 1 or 2)

only use words that you really can't do without.

thanks for the read granny, and all the more so, it being personal