Suicide

[Todd]

Hi Jack,

This is a very smooth read Jack. I enjoyed the references. I thought the alliteration was subtle and pleasing. Here are some specific line comments:

It's been a while since I've talked about you,
afraid of what the snobs might say,
those self-conscious academic--excellent strophe break. The self-consciousness is expressed by the extra pause.

who panic their wings at such meat.--example of something I like that I don't understand.
But just as Whitsun called Larkin
from his rest to wake the pen,

so we arrange to meet again.
Oh guileless three syllables
does my stepmother live?

Haunting her old house
beside the field
where once her eldest child played.--the shift to the personal in the last two strophes ratchets up the intensity. The haunting house part skims close to cliche but doesn't bother me.

Does she walk the streets a shade?
The savage God, said Alvarez--nice line
nine years after Plath's leaving.

I'm not sure. All I know is --love this break
the fear of silence, the ignorant dimming,--again just love these phrases
the hush. A light bulb wanes in its white noose,--could just be me Jack but this line might be a stronger ending. I don't hate the last line but maybe adjust this line slightly "the hush. A light (break) bulb wanes in its white noose. I thought of other options but just a thought

and so the soul is jimmied loose.

Great poem

Best,

Todd